John with the kids...and if you look really carefully Jacob has a subtle mohawk.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Don't make me fall off my beam!
John went out of town for two days and our semi-difficult routine turned CRAZY! It isn't John's fault, the poor guy needs a break and got to go golfing at some fancy resort in Bandon, courtesy of Toyota. So I was delighted...ok not actually delighted, but at least supportive of him getting this short break.
Apparently Jacob did not like the idea of his dad being gone two nights. He was "disregulated"....that is a word I am learning to use instead of naughty, or In place of other unkind words that may come to mind. If you could see what disregulated looks like at our house you would have sympathy for me!
During these two endless days, my wonderful grandma had her 99th birthday party at her nursing home. Considering Jacob's state of mind, I had him stay at a friends house. I wanted to be fully present to celebrate this milestone with my grandma. I got to be alone in the car with Noah and would't you know it? We ended up talking about Jacob's distinct behavioral changes since John left for the beach.
We were discussing how little it takes to throw him off balance, when Noah the gymnast, came up with the best analogy...
He said, "it's like we are all on balance beams, Grace's balance beam is medium wide, and mine is really wide, but Jacob's is actually just a wire, like a tight-rope. So when anything changes in his life he falls off his wire."
This is exactly what it is like living with a child with attachment and trust issues! We keep a good routine and life for him is predictable so I tend to forget how easily he can become undone or disregulated. So when there has been a small change in our lives it is often his intense behavior that makes me aware of the change. Once again I reminded that he is still healing and even though he looks like he's a tough kid...his heart is still mending.
I am coping ok with him struggling to adapt to change, but I am pretty sure when Jacob falls off his wire, he runs over to my balance beam, climbs up onto it and starts shoving me off! When mom falls off her beam and becomes disregulated that is when it is time for John to come home from the beach!!
Apparently Jacob did not like the idea of his dad being gone two nights. He was "disregulated"....that is a word I am learning to use instead of naughty, or In place of other unkind words that may come to mind. If you could see what disregulated looks like at our house you would have sympathy for me!
During these two endless days, my wonderful grandma had her 99th birthday party at her nursing home. Considering Jacob's state of mind, I had him stay at a friends house. I wanted to be fully present to celebrate this milestone with my grandma. I got to be alone in the car with Noah and would't you know it? We ended up talking about Jacob's distinct behavioral changes since John left for the beach.
We were discussing how little it takes to throw him off balance, when Noah the gymnast, came up with the best analogy...
He said, "it's like we are all on balance beams, Grace's balance beam is medium wide, and mine is really wide, but Jacob's is actually just a wire, like a tight-rope. So when anything changes in his life he falls off his wire."
This is exactly what it is like living with a child with attachment and trust issues! We keep a good routine and life for him is predictable so I tend to forget how easily he can become undone or disregulated. So when there has been a small change in our lives it is often his intense behavior that makes me aware of the change. Once again I reminded that he is still healing and even though he looks like he's a tough kid...his heart is still mending.
I am coping ok with him struggling to adapt to change, but I am pretty sure when Jacob falls off his wire, he runs over to my balance beam, climbs up onto it and starts shoving me off! When mom falls off her beam and becomes disregulated that is when it is time for John to come home from the beach!!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
He loves me
It is so hard to know what will trigger intense reactions from my liitle guy. Tonight after dinner the boys and the dog were wrestling, and at one point I joined in. John pinned me but was being gentle, however Jacob did not like it. He started crying. He rarely cries out of fear, if he's driven to tears it is usually a result of intense frustration or anger. But he stood there with big tears rolling down his sweet cheeks crying for his Mommy!
If you have had a baby, you know it takes some time before a newborn returns any of the love you lavishly pour on them. But when your baby smiles at you for the first time, it makes all the breastfeeding, loss of sleep and crazy hormones worth it.
I have had some tender moments with Jacob, but none were as meaningful as this. To see my tough guy who struggles to make eye contact when I tell him how much he is loved...to see him standing motionless, crying for me, made all the trials worth it.
After he went to bed, I stood by myself smiling, knowing he has let me in and he loves me! He actually loves me! What courage it must take to trust again after such profound loss. God has done a mighty work in this child's heart. Although there is much more pain and loss he'll need to work through, he has begun to trust and let us into his heart. I am privilledged to be used as part of the healing. I pray that we will continue to be worthy of his trust.
He LOVES me....
If you have had a baby, you know it takes some time before a newborn returns any of the love you lavishly pour on them. But when your baby smiles at you for the first time, it makes all the breastfeeding, loss of sleep and crazy hormones worth it.
I have had some tender moments with Jacob, but none were as meaningful as this. To see my tough guy who struggles to make eye contact when I tell him how much he is loved...to see him standing motionless, crying for me, made all the trials worth it.
After he went to bed, I stood by myself smiling, knowing he has let me in and he loves me! He actually loves me! What courage it must take to trust again after such profound loss. God has done a mighty work in this child's heart. Although there is much more pain and loss he'll need to work through, he has begun to trust and let us into his heart. I am privilledged to be used as part of the healing. I pray that we will continue to be worthy of his trust.
He LOVES me....
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
funny kid
My friends were mocking my blog and calling it "boring blog"...so in an effort to write lighter and more entertaining content for my two followers..here's what happened at dinner this week.
Jacob was being sweet and said, "Grace, you wondaful. Mom, you wondaful.... Noah, you dumb." We all tried not to laugh until he said, "it was a widdle bit funny, huh?"
He is just as funny as he is frustrating!
Jacob was being sweet and said, "Grace, you wondaful. Mom, you wondaful.... Noah, you dumb." We all tried not to laugh until he said, "it was a widdle bit funny, huh?"
He is just as funny as he is frustrating!
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